Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
