i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
third nipple confirmed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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