just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
