You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
