my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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