walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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