he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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