literally had 100 drinks last night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
