Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
