I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
