I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
