You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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