i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
