I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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