I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
A bitchslap is in order.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
