So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
