It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
