hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's shark week go big or go home
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
