how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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