Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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