I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
