Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
