I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
