why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
