you guys were way drunker than both of me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
