based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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