Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
