your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
