People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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