Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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