i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
