i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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