I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
