love makes seman taste better
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
