This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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