im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
