im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
