I want to have your abortion
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
