3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
