dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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