I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
