Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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