Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
