I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
