it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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