what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
