OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
