i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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