im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
