too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
