I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
