the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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