I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
